It's the end of the world and we know it...

I feel the weight of some type of dread over me every day. It's the same fear and paranoia that I've experience everyday since I was in 6th grade. It grips me and it suffocates me. It takes so much energy for me to get up, get motivated, and stay motivated all day long. Silently all I can do is get through my day with a little wit and over abundance of sarcasm. I think "I'm so tired" all of the time. What I need is a little motivation to inspire me to get up and live, but it is hard. Especially when that voice in the back of my head keeps repeating "how tired are you going to get" as I walk around slowly defeated. Pep talks can clear some of my inner thoughts. I can look on the bright side and think "look at where you are now as opposed to then. YOU were tired then and you made it through." The mental gymnastics it takes to be a productive member of society fluctuates. I am either part of the winning mood or I am coming in last place. What is under my control is mine to maintain. The things that are out of my control have to be until I can figure out my next steps.