I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that means?

Being an independent person doesn't always mean that I don't like to be dependent on others. Sometimes in life, there are those of us who have struggled to maintain relationships in our lives. I think the nature of the beast dictates that if you nurture relationships, then others will be there for you. I need my alone time, just like anyone else. But I also need conversation and communication. Especially when I feel like there is no one in the world who is rooting for me. A friend of mine once said that my needs were none of his concern as he had a family to take care of first. That didn't strike me too hard as I never meant, nor did I imply, that my needs should have ever superseded those of his wife and children. It got me to thinking though, if my presence was the only thing worthy of maintaining for someone else, then what was the purpose of existing in another man's space? I know that each person has an individual responsibility to themselves while equally coexisting with others in this world, but often times it feels like I am some backdrop character in the lives of everyone around me. I exist solely for them to know I am alive, but not interact with socially.

Which is the main reason why I am highly independent. I gave up the notion a long time ago that I could depend on others, because my needs never seemed to matter. It's a selfish thought to think about if you really want to examine it, but it is a necessity for many of us who wander through life being let down by those who would call us a friend, a loved one, or family. My parents never worry about me, because I am the oldest and a man. To them, I am and should be able to take care of myself without the burden of needing someone or a should to cry on. To my mother, I have too much drama. To my father, I am a stranger living a life of moral decay. To my siblings, it varies. To past lovers, I am disposable. To current lovers, I am available. To friends, I am limited to interaction. This is why fiercely independent people don't ask for help and why we question other people's motives when they offer something with no strings attached. Because there are always strings, no matter what.

One could say that I should get over myself. And I have, time and time again. I have accepted that most people who say that they are looking out for my best interests are not really being that honest when push comes to shove. Ultimately, I have to make my own way. Even if it means being on my own without the guise of social interaction. I don't need anyone.