It's Nonsense

 I found a new way to seem basic today. As I sit at my desk, listening to "rainy Day" instrumental music and sipping on a cup of hot ginger tea, it occurred to me that the silence is deafening and part of me enjoys the love and hate that I have with safety and security. Comfort is the killer of all creative minds. I want to be able to enjoy the things that bring me joy, but I am starting to find that I cannot be comfortable while I am doing those things. Something as simple as going out and enjoying the day gets trampled upon when the weather is not right, my body starts aching, and I start to feel no sense of entertainment because the company I keep is limited on their own joy. My fun would be better if. My love would be better if. All of these things that would be better if stack up like really old and boring pairs of shoes. I keep trying to make room for them, but it's easier to compartmentalize everything while zeroing out comfort zone. Things that used to make me happy, don't make me happy anymore. I thought that if I could get out of my box and experience them, then I would be at peace. I know that without anyone, I only enjoy so much. I know that with others, I only enjoy so much. And I worry if being in the present is even helpful if the thought of my presence is fleeting to others. I know that the time we spend amongst each other is limited, so we make the best of what we can.