Flapjacks

 I didn't take my pills today. The ones that sometimes chase the blues away. I often wonder how I'll die. Do the pills keep me under, and keep me from questioning why. I have pills to sleep. I have pills to dream. I have pills to make me numb and somewhere in between. I wake up feeling low. I exist feeling low. The energy I burn keeps me further and further low. I have tried being upbeat. I have tried moving around. But when you're low, going lower, it's harder to get up from the ground. So I skipped my pills today. No more vitamin peps. I conveniently "forgot" the other pills on my desk. I feel my body swell and ache. I feel the heat of my blood pumping through. I hear the sound of my heavy breathing, underneath the weight I exude. Was I meant for more than this. Or was I meant for anything at all. Was another pill going to help me after I had my recent fall. Did I think too much would consume me, if I did as little as I could. Maybe another pill will save me. Maybe I think I should.