Conversations in a Mall Food Court

 "Did you think he was cute" Jason comment caught me off guard mid bite. I looked up to see him looking at me with a serious look "What?" "That guy who just walked by. I watched you eyeball him as he walked by. Did you think he was cute?" Being in public with Jason was an experience that I was trying to figure out. Sometimes I felt as though he were trying to examine every aspect of my behavior to pick apart flinches and energy in order to justify something irrational that made no sense to me. "I don't know what you're talking about, Bubba. I didn't notice anybody walk by." I went back to eating my cold slice of Sbarro's pizza and listened for him to acknowledge my answer. "Sure you did" he nodded and chuckled. I took a sip from from my drink and gave him a look. "Don't roll your eyes at me," he insisted. Whether my eyes did or not in fact roll back escaped me, but he picked up on the movement and instantly became defensive, "it's disrespectful." "Look Jay, I thought we were here trying to enjoy a nice afternoon lunch and then try to see a cheap movie. What's the big deal?" This behavior, new to me, seemed to be something that he was used to in his past. Questioning lovers or old boyfriends, hinging on some kind of possessiveness, where there didn't need to be, and creating conflict out of thin air. "I just don't know why you can't tell me the truth?" he said sternly. My head turned coarsely "I'm unclear what truth it is you think I am hiding?" "Nevermind." He said, "I just like it when guys play game with me. If you want to check out other dudes, check out other dudes. It's fine." This was our third or fourth date and Jason and I were still in the getting to know you phase of our relationship. We were at the mall to have pizza and to see a dollar showing of Muriel's Wedding when this exchange occurred. The day started out very hopeful with him picking me up from my place, of course our consensual adult time which included some kissing and whatnot, then off to the mall and then this exchange. I felt blindsided. I wasn't sure if he was purposely trying to pick a fight me. Then I also started to wonder had I actually eyeballed another man walking by us while Jason sat across from me. The minutes between bites of pizza , while he and I tried to finish our lunch in silence, I tried to figure out where the deviation occurred. Jason looked up and looked beyond me and barked "why you take a fucking picture, it will last longer!" to someone from across the food court who was apparently looking in his direction. This made my eyes widen and I looked at him and spoke "Jason. You need to calm down. I know you're a big dog and you have a big bite. But this is not acceptable in public." And he looked at me and said "I just don't get it. Why the fuck do people have to stare?" I cupped his hands to calm him. To relax him. He didn't want to be babied or coddled. "I'm a grown ass man!" he snorted. I shook my head "I know you are." We finished lunch and changed direction for the afternoon. Instead of Muriel's Wedding, it would have to be, The Mask with Jim Carey. The events of the afternoon introduced me to something new within Jason that scared me. It made me question his sincerity and how he viewed me. It also made me wonder how others hurt him and how psychologically these patterns kept returning. Over the years they would continue.