New Year's Resolution

I have endured the rouse of patience far too many times.  Quite often have I sought the trappings of self love while waiting patiently for a knight in shinning armor to release me from my solitary bonds. Sure, I have indulged a few lovers along the way, but my hearts true nature always sees passed the sordid nature of my brain. I'm left mercilessly clinging on to hope, romanticizing that someday, somehow, my continued courtship with patience will bestow upon me a romance that was detined to be.

My failings are of no surprise when examined in after thought.  I choose lovers who I believe I am unworthy of having,  when I should be choosing lovers who are worthy of having me. In this trickled down version of high tech society I have let convenience stagnate my essence rather than exalt it. I enjoy of buffet of men as commodities rather than trust in the good nature of familiarity. Proving, more often then not, that my little head thinks for the big head. I am trumped by my carnal delusions and suffering them most diligently on a daily basis.

I have concluded that, as I grow older, I no longer accept the guise of commonality simply to pacify my desires. It's getting difficult to smile and pander to pretty words. I have tolerated enough shenanigans and deception from beasts who would dare assert themselves above me. No man is above me. No man is deserving of my hand, should he be of belittling and/or subjective personage.  I deserve better than an idle inkling.

Alas, the cage of patience holds my heart captive as I stumble through years of learning. There are no myths or fairytale endings and my mortality ebbs closer with every graying hair. Patience is a virtue that I rot from.  I am amused with cynical visions of doubt and sometimes, quite contradictory, infused with whipped bliss. I am envious and contemptuous of past lovers successes and fruitful relationships.  Which is why I vow to break free from my shell and let go of of the past.