Downtime on the 56K modem...

It's an addiction, like any other. At least, that's what I have come to learn from television and music. Sex is an addiction that produces cravings in a man's body in the same matter that a drug would produce cravings. I can attest to the feelings because I am always on the lookout for my next high. I am also an ex junkie who found that my drug use kept increasing as my high was harder to achieve. The same is true these days for my sex drive. It's easy enough for me to log on to the computer, find a website (or four), and take care of my urges without having to leave my bedroom. On the odd day, I suppose, I find myself wanting more and wanting so much so badly that I will do anything to fulfill my needs with the least amount of effort. On days like those I make it a point not to get off in hopes that "the right guy" will take the bait and proposition me. I'll give you a recent example, recently a man that I would never have slept with invited me over. I was feeling randy, so I went...his promise was that his member was a whopping 8.5" - 9" and that was good enough for me. I overlooked the fact that he was a larger man and that he was smaller than me. I overlooked it because a large dick makes up for a big belly in most cases. When I got to his house I thought, oh yeah...he's a big man...and instantly switched my mind-set from prude mood to hooker mode. All I needed was some flesh inside of me to get me off. He took me to his room, dropped his pants copped a feel, and let me go down on him. After getting to the area I wanted to get to I realized that this man was being awfully generous to his actual penis size. I mean a few centimeters is okay to lie about, but inches is not okay to lie about. I believe he was pretty average, maybe 7", but not at all like what I was expecting and definitely not worthwhile for overlooking body weight. I felt cheated and I wanted out of the deal instantly. But...Like the true whore that I am sometimes, I suited him up with a condom, lubed up his shaft and climbed on top of him for a ride. It was difficult to position myself normally on him. His rotund belly got in the way of my legs and hands and for me to ride his cock meant that I would have to do a lot of leg work. I'm not opposed to leg work, but my back can only stand so much strain and my legs can only burn so much before I say enough. I found a position to get him off in and within minutes he filled up the jimmy and I was off of him in no time. He laid in the bed breathing heavily...only from the orgasm and not the work out I did...the boy hardly moved. I rolled on to my back down toward the foot of the bed and took care of my own needs. It took a few minutes because I wasn't properly stimulated. Throughout the session this boy made no attempts to pet me or reciprocate to me in any way. I got off, cleaned myself off and was out the door. This event lasted maybe 15 minutes and I was ready to start my day off. Sadly, an hour later I was looking for another fix and I couldn't be helped. Most men find it hard to be so candid about their experiences. Maybe there are some things that I should keep to myself. I mean we all know how other men like to use words against each other when it comes to matters of the heart. Let's face it, we're all hardly virgins and I am sure that most of us have gone through this sort of thing once or twice every few years. For me though, it makes me reevaluate everything that I will do or won't do in order to get a piece of ass. Am I willing to overlook one physical feature for another in order for me to get mine? Am I color blind or do I let the shade of a man's skin determine the better lover. How much is too much and when should settling down become an option? DO I have an addiction and if so, is this addiction what is preventing me from feeling real emotions with a man that I may really really like. Sexual dysfunction has been playing a key role in my explorative endeavors, but I never seem to have a problem when I am sitting at home by myself. Granted my prolonged sessions at home can start and go on for a couple of hours before I satisfy myself or they can be over within a couple of minutes. What I am trying to explain right now is my lack of upward mobility or stimulation when I am with a man that I find somewhat attractive. It comes and goes and then it leaves without a possibility of return. The worst part is that some men that this has happened with I have really been into. At the end of a climactic event it is always depressing to lose my boner and have to work a million times hard to get off. Then of course it looks like I am not into a guy and he never calls back for seconds...ho-hum. Maybe I just need to get back into shape, quit smoking and cut back on my j/o time. If I quit eating bad foods and stop drinking maybe my mojo will start rising again. Maybe this addiction is all in my head and I really just haven't met the right man who excites me. We'll see how things progress over the next few months.

Peace!