Artificial Sweetener

Disappear into the catacombs of shadows and you'll become nothing more than a faceless, nameless man with an identity as vague as dryer sheets. My silliness and repertoire remind me that I need to get off of my ass and experience things. I should pillage familiar grounds of bachelorhood. I should find myself and nice warm hole to pump myself into, but, unlike an Enzyte commercial, Hank is not up to much these days. So much for meaningless adventures. It's not completely hopeless, standing on this avenue. My penis is still a functioning part of my anatomy. I wonder to myself sometimes if I hate my penis and that is why I have found myself wanting to have other men plunge theirs deep into me. Maybe it's some Freudian thing...ya know...secretly I want my dad or a father figure inside of me to fill the void of never being able to be a father or some screwed up shit like that. Why wasn't Freud gay? His theories on the anatomy from the waist down would have made more sense to me if he were having "cock fights" instead of punching holes. I should lay off the coffee this morning...

Too much time on one mans hands can prove to be detrimental to the development of a socially free and fulfilling lifestyle. It's true! Too much time can spoil the mind, because "he who is afraid of doing too much always does too little." It's a common trait that I find in my family. I suppose years of repressed fun and Catholic guilt have made my sisters and I numb. To have fun means that we would be neglecting responsibilities and God. It as turned my baby sister into a junky weekend Jesus freak whose kids are afraid of her. It has turned my kid sister into a single parent of four who is constantly on the lookout for a life companion and a father figure for her kids. Then there is me...but most of us know my story. A friend of mine told me how nice it would be to fall asleep together. I think I need more than that in my life right now. I just don't feel that feeling with anyone right now. I can't even muster up feelings to attempt to have a crush. Lord only knows...maybe I am meant to feel numb forever...idle hands...the devil will find work for....

I have discovered a new den for me to hide out in. The dance floor is luscious, the walls are decadent, I imagine the music will be incredible and hopefully the atmosphere will be awesome. There is this club in downtown Phoenix called 'BURN' and I popped in to it the other night. I just walked in quickly to see what it was that a few of my friends had been telling me about. There was no one there, because it was early, and I could feel the thumpa-thumpa coming from the sound system. My soul craved IT! My feet could hardly stay in one place... If I am bound for hell, then I want to burn on my way down.

Peace!