It's all about detail.

The helix surrounding my world is smoke filled and boredom inducing. I have tried to simplify my existence by cutting out the unnecessary binders that keep me tied down to this state of mind that I am in. I am euphoric. I am sullen. I am at peace, some days. I am unconquerable. I am destroyed. Most of all, I am alone and craving some sort of connection with an otherwise extraordinary man. I don't think it is impossible to find such a man, but I do think that it is unobtainable at this juncture of my life. So I am apt to forego the traditional crutches and heartaches of a bitter gay man whilst I spend my time wrapped up in unanswered text messages, distilled instant messages online and fantastic dirty talk from the occasional admirer. There are trade-offs, sadly all of mine come with some sort of price.

I went with a friend of mine to see Josh Groban at the U.S. Airways Center in downtown Phoenix this past Sunday. I have to admit that I am not too familiar with his music. I owned his first two cd's, but once "Closer" came out I lost interest in the genre of music his was popularizing. It's not so much the language that he sings in as much as it is the mood of the songs he sings. Nothing says "let the blood flow from my veins" like a sad aria or a lovelorn ballad. Over the past year I have experienced enough grief for a small town and I choose to avoid the things, or triggers, that make me think of Steven or Jason. In any case, I saw Josh Groban and what an incredible concert it was. I can say that he is truly gifted. I can also say that the audience was just what I expected it to be. It was extremely adult, filled with over-weight white women, gads of straight married couples (husbands with a look of "fcuk, why did I agree to this?" on their faces) and occasional repugnant, gay couples. Who knew that he had such a following.

My girl-friend, Marianne, and I sat in a crowded section almost dead center to the stage, but not floor level. I thought the seats were quite nice considering how far away from the stage we were. Marianne kept going on about how she wished she had splurged and bought the floor seats. I wasn't wishy, washy about the topic...she bought the tickets and asked me to come along. Josh came on and performed, and the audience yelled and screamed. Women gushed all over the arena and flashes of light speckled through the darkened surrounding, stealing little images for their computer photo books. It was a great concert and I am glad I went.

Peace!