What He Says

He says he loves me 

but does not know why he's still here

Why do I keep folding into him 

following him down down down

He says I'm better off 

and that I should find someone else

And I fear 

If I let him go 

then I'll know that he was right this whole damn time

if validation isn't the goal

then why does he keep trying me on for size.

if I'm not enough, then why am I not enough

giving and taking

it's a constant play of who is going to give in and break

so why does he say the things he says

and why do I still believe them

holding on to hope like I still need him

wishing that if I close my eyes

and hold my breath 

and exhale quietly

he will reappear

And hold me

and mean everything that he says

when he says that he loves me

instead of that he's sorry

or that he didn't mean to misuse me

that he took back forever

and that his truths were misgivings

he never really promised forever

he meant to let me go in the morning

I felt the cold 

and I mourned him

and when the sadness of realness that was seeded

all i realized, 

was in needing him 

to heal these wounds that he inflicted

knowing what he could never be

damaged more than the words that he'd say